i'm officially a journalist!
well...not really. but my first piece was led on the website for the newspaper here. udreview.com. ch-ch-ch-check it out!
i talked to andy two nights ago.
i really shouldn't have, but i did. i felt nostalgic and hormonal, so i talked to him, and at first it was really awkward, but then it got a little better. i guess.
it just felt like it was a burden on him to be talking to me...the whole "i must ask about all the normal polite bullshit that i'm supposed to because i really don't give a shit" conversation. fuck. i guess in a way i'm not really missing him per se. i just really want a boyfriend.
you hear me? a boyfriend. i want one. preferably for my birthday. so if you see one roaming around, grab him and send him to me giftwrapped.
in other news, college is good and busy. it's getting to the point where i don't miss elon as much simply because its familiar and delaware is not. i'm writing a lot and doing college-y shit.
yeah. so, far so, good.
i am wearing sailor pants.
i am smiling.
i am in college.
i auditioned for the first play i heard was auditioning.
they made me do a russian accent.
this could be the start of something good...
I GOT INTO EMERSON.
if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go dance around my house. a lot.
damn, lauren. you was right about this whole color test dealie.
kind of freaky, eh?
Samantha's Existing Situation
Having difficulty making progress and unwilling to put forth further effort. Seeking more comfortable conditions where she can avoid anything disturbing.
Samantha's Stress Sources
Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which she imposes of herself or by her own choice and decision.
Samantha's Restrained Characteristics
An unadmitted lack of confidence makes her careful to avoid open conflict and she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Sensitive and sentimental, but conceals this from all except those very close to him.
Samantha's Desired Objective
Seeks an affectionate relationship, offering fulfillment and happiness. Capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Helpful, and willing to adapt herself if necessary to realize the bond of affection she desires. Needs the same consideration and understanding from others.
Your Friend's Actual Problem
Does not wish to be involved in differences of opinion, contention or argument, preferring to be left in peace.
ps- im home.
pps- i miss everyone and everything. please to call me now if you want hot sex. or..other available options of affection.
i didn't get into oberlin.
i feel like everything is falling apart really quickly and i can't hold onto the pieces that have anything to do with being ok.
the year is coming to a close here and i'm only one who doesn't know where they're going to end up next year. i feel like a lost puppy; wandering back and forth to anyone and anything that looks like a home.
now, two places have rejected me. it's pretty clear that northwestern isn't going to come through and i'm afraid that i won't end up anywhere next year. i feel lame, and sad, and stupid and lazy. and these, in one big combination add up to not feeling too stellar.
and i have to say goodbye to this place, this place that felt so foreign and became a home only because i had nowhere else to go. i will be sad to leave, but i am more scared of where i'm going once i've left. which right now...is nowhere.
and i want to sing and dance and laugh and smile and be happy. but right now that feels impossible.
fuck. everything hurts. i feel like im backsliding.
ok. here's the deal.
my hair is red. ish.
i got into SUNY Binghamton.
i didn't get into Michigan.
I'm kinda really sad about the last bit of news. I had kinda really placed UM high on my list.
I'm going to go off and brood a little bit.
peace out girl scout(s).
Ask me anything.
and yes, i stole this from lizzie. and yes, im hopelessly unoriginal. but i thought it was fabulous. and you should all do it. i promise i'll be truthful. i do truthful well.
midterms can do your mother in the butt. i can't wait to come home.
I'M GOING TO ISRAEL!?!?!?!?!?!!!!
ok. there are acually people playing croquet outside on the quad. i'm...not really sure what to make of this.
in other news, its gorgeous here. i'm happier. however, this is due, in very large part, to an uncomfortably huge breakdown this weekend. i cried in front of people, even though nobody on this campus seems to know how/wants to use sadness as an emotion. it was really hard. but i feel like now that i've broken down, i can rebuild. and this weather doesn't seem to hinder that. so, yeah.
tattered, but determined, i still thrive.